Uncle Bill                          Mom says Uncle Bill is a bad influence on me He has no ambition, he’s a menace to society He likes flippin’ the bird And using four-letter words He’s 47 but he acts as if he was 19 Uncle Bill never held a job down in his life He had no steady girlfriend, never loved himself a wife Grandma gives him free room and board That’s all that he can afford Then he goes down to O’Malley’s where it feels like family All the blokes down at the bar just love my Uncle Bill They have lots of laughs, drink some beers, share bouts of gas All the blokes are crazy about my Uncle Bill But will he get off his lazy butt? I doubt he ever will He doesn’t care that his life became a mess He spends time with strange women having unprotected sex One woman took him to court He couldn't pay the child support So the judge sent him to jail where they know him on a first-name basis All the cops down at the station just love my Uncle Bill Before his arraignment, he gives them drunken entertainment All the cops are crazy about my Uncle Bill Will he walk the straight & narrow? I doubt he ever will He’s always been irresponsible His excessive ways are unstoppable We tried to help him the best we could But deep in our hearts, we know he wouldn’t hear of it He came to see me at college I thought he’d get inspired by the knowledge But as soon as he arrived, he wanted to know where the party was at And all my drunk fraternity brothers just love my Uncle Bill They sit around and do vodka shots but they don’t know about his months in detox All my college buddies call him “Lovable Bill” But Uncle Bill never grew up and I doubt he ever will ©2004 Michael B. Nahmias